White Lines II: Sunny: A Novel Read online

  Sunny almost dropped her cup.

  Malcolm saw her shocked reaction and smiled at her reassuringly.

  “Wow,” was all she managed to say.

  He shook his head. “Don’t feel obligated to say it back.”

  “Malcolm … I—”

  He held a finger up to her lips, kissed them again, lightly this time. “Shh,” he said. “I don’t expect you to say anything in return. I just want you to know how I feel.”

  Sunny smiled at him, truly at a loss for words. She was so scared of what she was feeling. This type of domesticity, this kind of stability—she had longed for those things long ago, with Dorian. But now, she felt like a fish out of water. She wasn’t sure what she wanted. All she was certain of was that she was happier now than she had been in a very long time. She knew that Malcolm was one of the reasons for that.

  Malcolm smiled back, and took her mittened hand in his, kissed it and winked at her. Their daughters skated over, giggling uncontrollably and Sunny and Malcolm laughed with them, their joy contagious.

  As their outing came to a close and they all headed back to the car—Mercedes and Chance skipping ahead of Sunny and Malcolm—Sunny looked at him and felt a tug at her heart. She reached for his hand and held it in hers, no longer caring if the girls knew that they were more than friends. Malcolm seemed surprised by the gesture and squeezed her hand. She made up her mind that after the holidays were over, she would stop getting high. She wasn’t sure if what she was feeling was love, but it felt like Malcolm was the only drug she needed anymore.

  * * *

  It was Christmas morning, and Jada, Born, Ava, and Sheldon were crowded around the big tree in Jada’s living room, excitedly tearing into their gifts. One after another, they opened gifts and reacted with glee to the presents they’d gotten for each other. Jada opened a diamond necklace from Born, a new laptop from Ava, and a pair of fake gold earrings from Sheldon. Of all the gifts, she went on and on about the earrings the most and for a while, Sheldon forgot about his anger toward her, genuinely happy that she liked her gift. Ava opened a new coat from Jada, a pair of fuzzy socks from Sheldon and a sweater from Born. Born jumped up like a little kid when he saw the Knicks season tickets Jada had gotten for him. He kissed her and his dimples were on display as his smile remained plastered on his face for quite awhile. Ava had given him some cologne, and Sheldon had made him a picture frame in art class. It was a beautiful morning, with all differences put aside for the sake of some holiday cheer.

  When all the gifts had been opened, Jada smiled at Sheldon. “I have another present for you,” she teased.

  He stared at her, waiting for her to give it to him. When she didn’t, he looked around confused. “Where is it?”

  Born and Ava laughed as Jada went outside to the shed adjacent to her condominium. She came back with the most adorable cocker spaniel puppy any of them had ever seen.

  Sheldon’s mouth fell open in shock. “You got me a dog?” He looked from the puppy to his mother and back again. He had been asking for a dog for the longest time. Jada had always protested, saying that dogs were too much work, that their home wasn’t big enough for one. She had shot him down at every turn. But his prayers had been answered as she handed him the dog, smiling from ear to ear.

  Sheldon took the puppy in his arms and cradled it. “Thanks, Mom!”

  Born and Ava smiled at each other as they witnessed what appeared to be a truce between mother and son.

  Sheldon sat down on the floor to play with the dog, while Born pulled Jada onto his lap in a tender embrace. He kissed her. “I’m gonna go over to Anisa’s to see Ethan, now. I can’t wait to see his face when he sees the flat-screen TV I got him for his room.”

  Sheldon grew angry at the mere mention of Ethan’s name. His disdain for Born’s son had blossomed into a full-blown hatred over the past couple of weeks. Sheldon had noticed that Ethan had everything—a father who loved him, a mother who had never smoked crack, and now the little nigga was getting a flat-screen TV. Suddenly, the dog felt like a pity present. Sheldon grew angry, wondering if his mother thought that giving him a dog would make up for all that she’d done wrong.

  Born kissed Jada good-bye and patted Sheldon on the head as he left. Jada and Ava, happy that Christmas morning had been a success, headed into the kitchen to make breakfast, laughing as they exited.

  The minute they were out of sight, Sheldon kicked the shit out of his new dog.

  * * *

  Across the Hudson, Sunny looked on as Mercedes opened dozens upon dozens of gifts. Jewelry, clothes, hair accessories, pajamas, leggings, shoes, coats, toys, CDs, DVDs—you name it, Mercedes got it. Not just from Sunny, either. Her grandparents, uncles and even Raul and Jenny G had contributed to the windfall Mercedes enjoyed as she sat on the living room floor surrounded by all that loot.

  Sunny was unusually subdued this morning. Mercedes noticed, but had no idea why her mom was feeling so blue. What she didn’t know was that Sunny was out of cocaine, and had called Gillian for more coke for her “friend” only to discover that the bitch had chosen to spend Christmas skiing in Colorado. Gillian had explained to Sunny that the solo vacation was her attempt to unwind after working so diligently for so long. What she hadn’t told Sunny was that she had left town to escape the loneliness that had unexpectedly threatened to choke the life out of her this holiday season.

  Sunny didn’t give a damn what the reason was for Gillian’s unexpected exodus from New York City. All she knew was that she had snorted the last of her stash the day before, prior to her family day with Malcolm and the girls. She and Mercedes had returned home that night, and Sunny had been so wired that she stayed up half the night with a million happy thoughts bouncing through her head.

  But she had woken up this morning feeling terribly melancholy. After finding out that her supplier was out of town she had racked her brain for an alternative, but everyone she thought of was off-limits. She knew dozens of drug dealers, but none that she could trust to keep her dirty little secret. Zion would tell Olivia or Born—or both. Frankie Bingham would certainly tell Born. Dorian’s brothers were out of the question for obvious reasons, and Sunny didn’t have the guts to go out and look for some from an unfamiliar source.

  She sat now, having crashed from the prior day’s euphoria. Sunny was overcome with the blues. Guilt tugged at her over the fact that she had been getting high again at all. What the fuck had she been thinking?

  Mercedes noticed her mother’s sadness and went and sat beside her on the couch.

  “What’s wrong, Madre?” she asked, her signature old-lady-like wisdom dripping from her sweet voice. “You look so sad. Are you missing Daddy?”

  Tears plunged forth at the mere mention of Dorian. Sunny nodded, as Mercedes handed her the box of Puffs that sat on the end table. Sunny didn’t tell Mercedes the real reason for her tears—that hearing Dorian’s name had reminded Sunny how terribly disgusted he would be to know that she was getting high again. He would probably hate her for what she had done.

  Mercedes laid her head on her mother’s shoulder as she dabbed at her eyes, the tears flowing like a river now.

  “Don’t cry, Mommy. I know you miss him.” Mercedes took her mother’s hand in her own. “Sheldon said the holidays always make his mom sad, too, because she misses his grandmother.” Thinking of Sheldon, Mercedes looked up at her mother. She wiped a few of her tears and said, “I’m proud of you, Mommy.”

  Sunny laughed through her tears. She couldn’t imagine why she deserved that. “Proud of me for what?”

  Mercedes sat back. “The other day, me and Sheldon were talking and…” She looked at her mother questioningly. “If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell Aunt Jada?”

  Sunny nodded. “I promise.”

  Satisfied, Mercedes sat back again. “He found out that Aunt Jada used to smoke crack.”

  Sunny’s eyes flew open. She wondered if Jada knew about this. She realized for the first time that it ha
d been weeks since she’d spoken to her. “How did he find out?” she asked, thinking back on her conversation with Jada months ago, in which she had urged her friend to tell her son the truth. She hoped that no one had been cruel enough to rat Jada out to her eleven-year-old son.

  “He heard his mother talking to Uncle Born about it. He said that when he asked her, she admitted that but she told him that it was a long time ago, and she doesn’t do it anymore.”

  Sunny nodded. “That’s the truth.”

  Mercedes continued. “But then Sheldon went on the computer and Googled Aunt Jada’s name. He found with all these articles about Aunt Jada getting arrested for selling crack, buying crack and smoking it.” She looked at her mother, wondering if she was prepared for what she was about to tell her. “Sheldon found out that he was born in jail.”

  Sunny’s face registered shock—not at the news that she already knew, but at the fact that Sheldon had been so diligent in his search that he had uncovered such details.

  Mercedes laid her head on her mother’s shoulder once again. “I remembered that you told me how you used to use cocaine a long, long time ago, and how you stopped when I was born. Using cocaine is bad. But at least you never used crack.” Mercedes shook her head, feeling genuine pity for her friend. “Sheldon’s mom got arrested, went to jail. At least you never did those things, Mommy.” Mercedes stroked her mother’s hand. “I’m proud of you because you’re so strong. And I bet if Daddy was alive, he would be proud of you, too.”

  Mercedes didn’t notice the fresh tears that fell from her mother’s face now—tears of absolute guilt and shame.

  She could almost see Dorian’s face in her mind, looking at her like she’d let him down. She had. In fact, she had let herself down most of all.

  14

  FIREWORKS

  Sunny and Malcolm entered The Loft, an aptly named venue on West 57th Street in Manhattan that was serving as the venue for Jada and Born’s engagement party this evening. It was New Year’s Eve, and this party was sure to be fabulous.

  The months since Born’s proposal had been a whirlwind of activity for the couple. DJ’s career was full-speed ahead, Sheldon’s rebellion had been a distraction and then there were the demands of Jada and Born’s respective careers. They had opted to hold their engagement party on New Year’s as a way to signify their “out with the old/in with the new” philosophy. They were wiping the slate clean, praying that 2010 would be far better.

  As they stepped off the elevator, Sunny squeezed Malcolm’s hand, excited for her friend. A huge portrait of Jada and Born gazing adoringly at each other greeted guests as they entered. Sunny looked around at the full-capacity crowd of Jada and Born’s friends and family and smiled. The venue was sexy and upscale, the deejay had everyone dancing, and laughter filled the room.

  “There’s Jada,” Sunny said, heading to her best friend’s side with Malcolm in tow.

  Jada saw Sunny crossing the room in her direction and her eyes lit up. Sunny looked radiant in a grape-hued Bebe dress, belted at the waist. Jada, too, was lovely in an Emilio Pucci wool jersey and lace gown and Jimmy Choos.

  After greeting Jada and congratulating her, Malcolm excused himself to go and say hello to Ava. He hadn’t seen much of her around the office these days, and wanted to take this opportunity to update her on his progress with a client she had referred to him.

  “He’s great, Sunny,” Jada observed as Malcolm crossed the room to her sister’s side. “Malcolm is just what the doctor ordered for you. I haven’t seen you this happy in years.”

  Sunny smirked, knowing deep down that Gillian’s return from vacation was really to thank for her splendid mood. The days without cocaine had sent Sunny into such a depression that it had been hard to get out of bed. Mercedes thought it was just a matter of Sunny missing Dorian, but Malcolm feared that he had scared her off with his profession of love. When she had ignored his calls, he drove over to her place and had her doorman buzz her. Sunny had made Jenny G lie and tell them that she wasn’t home. Malcolm had left behind his Christmas present for her—two tickets to Acapulco in May, Sunny’s birthday month. He left a note that read, “Please don’t be scared off, Sunny. I swear I’ll be patient with you.” It had driven her to even more tears, knowing that she had a man who loved her that much.

  She had called him the next day, lied to him and told him that the holidays always made her this way—sad and nostalgic. He had been understanding and told her to call him when she was feeling better. She hadn’t felt better until Gillian came back two days ago. She got high again, to push those unwelcome feelings of guilt and self-loathing deep down inside her. The coke had brought her back to life. She had called Malcolm when her fog lifted, and they had shared a romantic candlelight dinner at Buddakan while Jenny G babysat the girls at Sunny’s apartment. Afterward, they had gone back to his place and made love all night. Sunny hadn’t yet told Malcolm that she loved him, but she acknowledged the fact that he still gave her butterflies. Deep inside, she knew she had already fallen, but out of fear she was fighting with all she had.

  “He’s a good man,” she said to Jada. “I’m happy that I met him.”

  Jada squeezed Sunny’s hand, glad that she had found happiness after so long.

  Sunny looked in her friend’s eyes, searching for a sign that she was in distress. “Mercedes mentioned something about you and Sheldon,” Sunny said, vaguely. Not wanting to betray her daughter’s trust, she didn’t tell Jada exactly what Mercedes had said.

  Jada’s smile faded and she nodded. “He’s been having a hard time lately,” she answered, not wanting to ruin her night by going into details about Sheldon’s behavior. “But we got him a puppy for Christmas, and I think it’s helping him cope.” Jada wasn’t sure why she was lying. Sheldon’s behavior hadn’t improved much at all since she’d gotten him the puppy. In fact, the dog seemed a little scared of her son. She knew deep down that she was in denial, but decided that tonight wasn’t the time to dwell on that. She sipped her champagne. “Him and Ethan are spending the night over at Miss Ingrid’s house tonight, and I’m sure they’re having a good time.”

  Their conversation was interrupted by Born’s voice on the microphone.

  “Ladies and gentleman,” he said. “Can I have your attention?” He motioned Jada closer and she stood by his side. He looked at his bride-to-be and smiled. Despite all the problems, and Jada’s past resurfacing more than ever, Born loved her so much.

  “I’d like to propose a toast to my baby. We’ve been to hell and back and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for you.” He held his glass higher. “It feels like we’re already married,” he said, to laughter. “But I can’t wait to make it official, baby girl. I love you.”

  They kissed, the crowd applauded, and the deejay cranked the music back up.

  Sunny and Malcolm took to the dance floor to show off their moves (more like Malcolm’s moves, but Sunny followed his lead perfectly). Ava stood on the perimeter of the dance floor, telling herself that those pangs she felt were not of jealousy but of longing for a love of her own.

  * * *

  Hours passed and finally the deejay announced that it was nearing midnight. “Everybody, grab your glass and let’s get ready to toast it up.”

  Waitresses fanned out across the room, delivering champagne to all the revelers. The excitement was palpable throughout the room. The deejay started the countdown and the crowd loudly joined in.

  “Ten … Nine … Eight … Seven…” When they got to one and everyone screamed, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!,” kisses and hugs abounded. It was a lovefest as everyone celebrated a new year.

  Ava was trying not to be saddened by the public displays of affection, but she was failing miserably. She watched as all the couples in the room kissed and embraced, loving each other out of one year and into the next. Jada and Born, Sunny and Malcolm—her Malcolm. It was almost more than she could stand. Her heart shattered and the fact that she was all alone and so in
credibly lonely made her feel like crying.

  “All this love is making you sick, too, huh?” Zion asked as he stood beside her.

  His voice startled her somewhat, since she had been so wrapped up in her thoughts. She looked at him questioningly. “Was it that obvious?”

  He nodded. “You and I are the only ones not smiling.”

  Ava laughed a little, though she really didn’t find it funny.

  “Crazy how a person can be lonely in a room full of people.” She spoke slowly as she said it, so that she wouldn’t slur her words. She was aware that she was slightly drunk, and wanted to hide that fact from Zion.

  Zion understood how she felt. “It’s not crazy at all. I’m around people 24/7. And I still feel lonely, too, sometimes. You’re not alone.”

  Ava shook her head, the alcohol emboldened her. “You’re wrong!” she said. “I am alone. And I’m sick of it.” She glanced around the room again at all the couples wallowing in their bliss.

  Zion looked at her for a while. He saw sadness in her eyes that mirrored his own. He thought of Olivia. She had flown to Paris for the New Year, taking Adiva with her in a search for inspiration for her clothing line. He felt that Olivia had stripped him of the only sense of belonging he had ever known. He hadn’t spoken to Lamin since the Thanksgiving incident and hadn’t exchanged more than a few words with Olivia on the occasions when he picked up and dropped off their daughter. He had moved out of their house in Brooklyn and into an apartment in Tribeca. As he looked at Ava staring longingly at the expressions of love all around her, he wondered if she needed to belong to someone as much as he did—if only for a night.

  “Wanna get out of here?” he asked. “Go somewhere together and forget all this shit for a while?”

  Ava looked at him and realized that she wanted that so desperately. “Absolutely.”