White Lines Read online

  Ava glared at her mother, her anger increasing with each second that passed. Jada stood motionless as Ava suddenly lunged toward her mother, grabbed her by the throat, and made every attempt to squeeze the life out of her. Jada rushed over and tried desperately to loosen her sister’s grip on their mother’s neck. “Let her go, Ava. Let her go!” Jada spoke through clenched teeth.

  “I’m telling you the truth!” Ava yelled so loudly that Jada expected J.D. to wake up. “I’m telling you!”

  Edna’s fingers clawed at Ava’s as she tried to pry them free from her neck. She gasped for air.

  “Let her go, Ava! Let her go! Come on!”

  Finally Ava came to her senses and released her mother. Edna sat holding her neck and breathing heavily. Jada walked over to her sister, put her arms around her, and tried to calm her down. But Ava shrugged Jada off her. She didn’t want to be touched. She turned and stormed toward the kitchen. Jada followed her, but Ava ran into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. Stomping back into the living room, Jada pounced on her mother. Edna was sitting in the corner, holding her neck and crying.

  “How could you do that to her?”

  “Jada, enough!” Edna was crying so hard, and still trying to catch her breath. “You and your sister made this shit up. You know J.D. wouldn’t do nothing like that to her. Has he ever said anything like that to you?” Edna was standing now.

  “No,” Jada admitted. “That’s ‘cause he knows I would kill him if he tried that with me.”

  “Jada, I’m going to bed. And your sister is gonna go and get some help! You both need help!” Edna stood, trembling, almost eye-to-eye with her young daughter as she prepared to leave. Jada’s gaze was penetrating. She shook her head, amazed.

  “You know she’s telling the truth. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself.”

  “Jada, shut your mouth!”

  “She’s never gonna forgive you.” Jada said it bitterly.

  Edna walked down the hall, still teary, and into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. Jada stood dumbfounded in the kitchen by herself for several minutes. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. Soon she walked down the short hallway and knocked on the bathroom door. She could hear Ava’s muffled sobs through the door, but Ava refused to unlock it.

  “I love you, Ava. I believe you. We’re gonna take care of it, okay?”

  No answer.

  “Ava, come to bed.” Jada could still hear her sister’s soft sobs. “Stop playing, and come out.”

  “I’m not coming out, Jada. Go to bed.” Ava’s voice was faint.

  Jada sat there for another fifteen minutes, trying to persuade her sister to come out, but to no avail. Ava wouldn’t budge. Eventually, Jada made her way back to bed, where she sat waiting for her sister. J.D.’s snoring was still audible across the hall as Jada’s eyes closed involuntarily, and she drifted off to sleep.

  Early the next morning—so early the hood was quiet—Jada woke to the bloodcurdling scream of a distraught mother. Jada realized that her sister was nowhere in sight as she sat up in bed and looked around her room for Ava. Rushing from the room, she ran past J.D., who stood in the hallway with his head in his hands. She ran toward her mother’s anguished cries and found Edna in the bathroom on the floor, cradling Ava’s limp body. Both her wrists were slit, and a steak knife lay nearby. Ava was bleeding to death at the age of fourteen. And Jada slipped further down the slippery slope of her sanity.

  2

  THE GREAT ESCAPE

  Amazingly, Ava survived her suicide attempt. But she wouldn’t talk to the social workers. She wouldn’t cooperate with the psychologists. They talked about putting her in a mental hospital for a while because she wouldn’t talk about what had happened. But one social worker, Mrs. Lopez, took an interest in Ava’s case. And once Ava was released from the hospital, Mrs. Lopez managed to convince Edna that her daughter could benefit from a good program outside of the home. Edna was reluctant at first and uncomfortable with the idea of placing her child in the state of New York’s care. But she gave in after Ava showed no signs of improvement. Eventually, they placed Ava in a girls’ home in Staten Island, on Maple Parkway.

  To Jada it sounded like some June Cleaver shit. And compared to where they were living in Brooklyn, it was. Edna and Jada went out to Staten Island to visit Ava once in a blue moon, because for Edna it was still all about J.D. Jada hated him. And it became harder and harder for her to hide it.

  Jada began to spend more and more time away from home. She learned how to get to Staten Island on public transportation, and would slip away and go visit her sister. Jada wasn’t used to riding in boats, so the Staten Island Ferry was an uncomfortable experience for her. She hated it. But she visited Ava whenever she got enough time, money, and courage to do so. Jada was always out in the street, trying to escape the loneliness she felt after her sister’s departure. Looking for the peace she never found at home.

  But as fate would have it, close to a year after Ava went into the group home, J.D. crashed his car into a utility pole and killed himself while driving drunk. Edna was a wreck. She cried all the time. The dishes went unwashed; the house became a mess. Jada found herself mothering her own mother, and she hated it. This was the second time she’d had to pick up the pieces of Edna’s broken heart. Edna was lost without J.D., both emotionally and financially. She couldn’t handle the bills. She had a little money that he had left behind, but soon that was gone. With no place else to turn, Edna went to Mrs. Lopez and explained that she had few options left. She had no money, and was in need of assistance. So Mrs. Lopez pulled some strings and helped Edna get an apartment in Staten Island, so that she and Jada could be near Ava. When they found an apartment that was affordable and wasn’t too far from where Ava was staying, they packed up and headed for Staten Island. Edna and Jada moved into an apartment on Wayne Court in West Brighton.

  3

  MOTHERLESS CHILD

  They moved to Staten Island. And every day after that, Edna was home alone while Jada was always out with newfound friends, missing curfew and smoking weed. Ava introduced her sister to all the local bustas. The two of them would drink with all the niggas from around the way, hang out, and mess with older cats. They were growing up way too fast. But they felt like they had no one. It was them, and the streets.

  One night, as they hung out smoking with some guys Ava knew, they discussed their mother. They were in a subleased apartment in the Mariner’s Harbor projects, getting high while baby hustlers bagged up their product in the kitchen. Jason, Harvey, and Dean were high school dropouts getting their feet wet in the drug game. Since Jason had a crush on Ava, whenever he was around she and Jada could get high free of charge. That was just what the doctor had ordered on this particular evening.

  “Pass that blunt, nigga!” Ava said, reaching toward her sister anxiously.

  “Ill, you’re fiending.” Jada was smiling as she passed the weed to Ava.

  Ava took a couple of tokes and exhaled. “So, what time you gotta go home?” she asked facetiously. “Won’t the warden be worried that you ain’t home before dark?” Ava didn’t miss Edna’s rules one bit.

  Jada shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t give a fuck what Mommy says. She knows what she can do with her curfews. I don’t have to listen to shit she says.”

  Ava grinned. “I know you get sick of hearing her mouth, though. She gotta be lecturing you, telling you that you’ll turn out like me if you keep it up.”

  Jada nodded. “Yeah. She complains all the time that I’m always in the street. She threatens to put me in a home like she did to you. Either that, or she’ll change the locks, and I’ll have to make it on my own. She would never do that. She ain’t strong enough to stand up to nobody. I don’t pay her no mind. She’s all talk.”

  Ava shook her head. “I hate the way she is, Jada. She cries and whines about everything. She’s so weak. I hate how pitiful she is.” Ava looked at Jada, her eyes low as the weed mellowed her sens
es. Still, her sincerity was obvious. “I don’t ever wanna be like her. I don’t ever wanna be that helpless and that scared.” She took the blunt her sister passed to her. “I was acting like her when I tried to kill myself. But I’ll never let myself be that weak again.”

  Jada nodded. “I’m glad to hear that. ‘Cuz if you ever tried some shit like that again I’d kill you myself.”

  Ava laughed, and passed the weed to Jada. Jason called out from the kitchen, “Ava, wassup with me and you, ma? You come up here every day and smoke my weed, and you ain’t trying to give a nigga no play?”

  Jada frowned and looked at her sister. “No, this muthafucka is not calling you out in front of his boys.”

  Ava turned in Jason’s direction and said, “Okay, so we’ll leave then. I’ll go smoke my own weed.” She reached for her jacket and pretended to be leaving. Jada also gathered her things.

  Jason took the bait. “I ain’t saying it like that. Y’all ain’t gotta leave.”

  “So, why you complaining that we’re smoking your weed and you ain’t getting no play? It takes more than some weed to get all that from us. We ain’t those kinda bitches.” Ava popped her gum when she was finished speaking. Jada tried to suppress a smirk.

  Dean stood behind Jason, both of them staring at the girls. “So, what it take?” Dean asked. Harvey and Jason burst out laughing, and Jada did, too.

  Ava shook her head, smiling. “More than a fuckin’ blunt, nigga.”

  “Be easy, ma. I was just playing. Sit down and smoke.” Jason tossed her a small Ziploc bag filled with the good shit. The ladies quickly made themselves at home, and kept talking.

  “What’s up with you and Jason?” Jada asked. “I thought you was feeling him.” Ava had always talked about how fine Jason was, and how nicely he dressed. But judging from the lack of chemistry between them tonight, Jada had surmised that something must have changed her sister’s mind.

  Ava looked around to make sure the coast was clear, and lowered her voice. “That nigga is a backward ass hustler. He always got weed, stay getting high, and never got money to do nothing else. I don’t understand how he always broke, and he hustles all day, every day. That’s not the kind of guy for me.”

  Jada slapped her sister high five. “No romance without finance, you know what I’m saying?”

  Ava concurred and crossed her legs. They thought they had it all figured out. The sisters smoked and talked for another hour or so. When Jason, Harvey, and Dean ran out of weed, Ava and Jada decided that it was time to go. They said good-bye to the guys and walked off to catch the bus. Ava promised to call Jason the next day, and the evening ended with everyone happy and high. Ava returned to her group home, and Jada went home, knowing that Edna would greet her at the door with complaints about her lateness. It was well after midnight, and she had school in the morning. Just as she suspected, her mother greeted her at the door.

  “Where the hell have you been?” Edna demanded as soon as Jada walked in the door. She stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at her daughter.

  “Out,” Jada answered, as she breezed past her mother and walked into the kitchen.

  “I know you were out, Jada. Out where?” Edna asked, following Jada closely.

  “Ma, I went out. What’s the problem?” Jada asked, nonchalantly. She poured herself some juice and stood there in the kitchen and drank it. When she’d drained the glass, she looked at her mother and grinned. Then she turned to wash out her glass.

  “The problem is, I told you to be home by ten o’clock. It’s almost one o’clock in the morning, Jada. You’ve got school tomorrow.”

  Jada frowned, seeming confused by her mother’s concern. “Oh, so now you care about my education? Since when? Oh, that’s right. I almost forgot, J.D. is dead. So now you have time to worry about me. I’m having a hard time getting used to that. Now you wanna be a parent?”

  Edna stood silently and soaked up her daughter’s cold words. Jada knew that whenever she brought up J.D. and Edna’s failure to protect her daughters, Edna was defenseless. There was nothing she could say to that. Edna’s voice was low as she spoke. “Jada, I need you to be in this house at a decent time every night. I’m not gonna keep putting up with you coming in here this late.”

  Jada smirked. “What you gonna do?” Her tone was defiant. She was challenging her mother. “What are you gonna do if I don’t listen to you, Ma?”

  Edna picked up on the mockery in Jada’s tone. “I can put you out of here. You can make it on your own, just like your sister.”

  Jada laughed. “You can do that. That’s what you want, anyway. To get rid of both of us, so you don’t have to worry about us no more. Go ahead and put me out. Ava already hates you. Go ‘head and make me hate you, too.”

  Edna stood, silently fighting back tears. Disgusted, Jada rolled her eyes and walked off to her bedroom and shut the door, knowing that Edna’s threats were empty ones. Jada knew how to manipulate Edna’s emotions and break the woman down. She thrived on her ability to reduce her mother to tears.

  What Jada had said to Edna was true. Ava did hate her. But Jada didn’t. What she hated was the weakness in her. She hated that about her. But other than that, Jada felt sorry for her mother. Edna was a pitiful excuse for a woman, in Jada’s opinion. She was powerless and too fragile. She was too strict, and she had waited too long to try to play the role of a parent. For too many years the girls had witnessed one emotional meltdown after another from their mother. So to have her suddenly attempt to enforce rules was something neither of them welcomed. Jada wanted freedom.

  But what she needed was a firm hand. She needed her mother’s strength and control. But Edna had neither and she couldn’t even hide it. She felt useless and unloved by all the men in her life. And now her own daughters were against her. Edna felt as guilty as Jada and Ava wanted her to. And she was too timid and guilt-ridden to do anything other than sit by and let her daughter get away with murder. Part of her was frustrated by Jada’s strong will and rebelliousness. And another part of her was just unwilling to try to control her child. Edna had spent her whole life handing over control to someone else. So she allowed Jada to have control over her own destiny. In essence, Edna gave up.

  Ava was out of her jurisdiction. Edna didn’t even really try to control what Ava did or how she behaved. She knew that she had done Ava wrong, so she never gave her much grief or really tried to parent Ava. She left that up to the people running the home. Her life had turned out in a way that she had never imagined it would. So Edna began to seek solace in the arms of Jesus Christ. Him, and Mr. Charlie.

  “I told you, ain’t nobody gettin’ high!” Jada yelled.

  “Come on, now!” Edna’s attempt at yelling fell sadly short. “Your eyes are bloodshot half the time. I found them cigars in your room. I know what that’s about, Jada. Don’t take me for a fool!”

  Jada laughed, wondering why she should think of her mother as anything but that. In Jada’s mind, her mother was just that—a fool.

  Edna continued her rant. “Your teacher called and said that you ain’t been to school in days. Now, you leave this house every day. So since you’re not going to school, I wanna know where you’ve been?”

  “I go to school.” Jada kept eating her cereal, hoping to provoke her mother into having a backbone. She almost wanted Edna to throw a fit, and to take charge for once. But she had no such luck.

  “Jada, you’re not going to school. That teacher has no reason to lie on you.

  “Well, I don’t know why she’s lying, then. But I’ve been in school. Maybe she made a mistake.” Jada shrugged.

  “She didn’t make a mistake, and you know that. She told me that you’re failing her class—”

  “So what?” Jada bellowed, drowning out her mother’s voice. Edna fell silent, and was tempted to hit Jada. But she knew that if she did, Jada might just hit her back. She didn’t want to go toe-to-toe with her daughter.

  The doorbell interrupted them, and Edna stormed off
to answer it.

  “Hi, Charlie,” she gushed, when she opened the door. “Come in. Excuse the mess. I was just about to straighten up.” Edna smoothed her shirt, making sure her outfit was perfect.

  Mr. Charlie was their neighbor. He was dapper at forty-nine years old, and had an old-school, buttery smooth demeanor. His style was reminiscent of Richard Roundtree’s Shaft, or a modern-day Samuel Jackson. He had a woman in his life, who no one saw very often. She didn’t live with him, but she did come around every now and then. Spent a couple of days at most with him, and then she’d leave. She never socialized with any of the neighbors, but Mr. Charlie sure did. He was like everybody’s super. All of them lived in Section 8 houses and rent-controlled apartments. Edna’s was a town house in the Markham homes on Wayne Court. It was humble, but it was home. Charlie’s apartment was across the street, in the projects. He lived at 240 Broadway, but he made himself known to all the people in the hood. He was the guy who fixed your toilet, helped you get a part for your car, and got you an air conditioner for cheaper than normal. He was the go-to guy. And everybody liked Charlie.

  Edna ushered him in, gushing all the while. Charlie smiled at Jada, and she barely returned the gesture. “I came to put in that air conditioner you wanted,” he explained.

  “Thank you,” Edna said, smiling. She seemed to almost forget that Jada was in the room. She seemed mesmerized by Charlie.

  Jada took her cue. She stood to leave, and carried her bowl to the sink. Edna turned toward her. She didn’t want her daughter to think she’d forgotten about her behavior. Edna turned back to Charlie. “Excuse me for a minute. I was just talking to Jada. You know how hardheaded these young girls are.” Edna’s voice took on the sweetest lilt whenever he was near. “Where are you going?” she asked Jada, sweetly.